In Theory
by HawtShiznit
Summary: Kristoff has never experienced sex before, but he can imagine what it might be like.


Summary: Kristoff has never experienced sex before, but he can imagine what it might be like.

Notes: Again, I don't consider myself much of a writer, but this was fun to do, anyway. Sorry in advance for any grammatical craziness. Oh Kristoff, how is it possible for an animated character to be so damn sexy and adorable?

Kristoff knew in theory how sex worked. He'd seen animals rutting in the fall and knew that that was what created the baby animals born in the spring. He understood that there were 'boy parts' and there were 'girl parts', and that somehow the two fit together. He was quite familiar with his own 'boy parts', but the 'girl parts' were still mysterious to him. He imagined they must be somewhat similar to the corresponding parts on female animals, probably about as similar as his own parts were to the male animals. Which was to say, not really very similar, so the analogy wasn't super helpful when he tried to think about what a human woman might look like. He'd seen a painting of a nude woman in one of the seedier taverns he'd stopped in once, and he'd found it interesting that all he could discern was a thatch of pubic hair covering up whatever was there. Interesting, but he hadn't found it particularly arousing.

Kristoff didn't think about women much. He figured they were just as bad as men were: selfish, petty, greedy and likely to hurt you in some way. Sometimes he found some of them pretty, noticed how their bodies curved in ways that were different from men, thought about how it might feel to hold one close against his own body…. but that was about as far as it went. He kept himself busy with his work - the physical labor kept his body tired, and dealing with customers kept his mind occupied. Then there was the constant struggle of acquiring enough to eat and a place to sleep for him and Sven. Usually by the time his long day was over, all he wanted to do was maybe strum a bit on his lute and go to sleep. Kristoff never really masturbated much. He would get the occasional random erections and sometimes he would have vaguely erotic dreams and wake up hard, but without someone to focus those feelings on, he usually ended up ignoring it till it went away or else would jerk himself to a quick climax just to get it over with. Plus, he was usually with Sven and while Sven probably wouldn't pay attention anyway, he still preferred not to get himself off in front of his best friend, reindeer or not. So self-pleasure in that way was a rare event for Kristoff.

All of this was before Anna had come barreling into his life, upending his familiar routine and shaking up his familiar feelings - or, rather, his lack thereof. He had resisted at first, but by the end of their few days of adventure he realized that he was falling for her, and by the time they had shared their first kiss, he realized that he didn't mind that fall one bit. Sure, it was a little bit scary, but something about Anna made him feel another new feeling he'd never had for another human: he trusted her. He trusted her with his heart, and he wanted to do everything in his power to deserve the same trust from her.

Shortly after the great freeze debacle, and the thaw that followed, Anna and Elsa had situated Kristoff in an apartment near the palace, more fitting for his new title of Arendelle's Official Ice Master and Deliverer. He had protested as graciously as he could until Elsa made it a direct order, insisting that his home base needed to be in town in order for him to most effectively do his duties. He eventually had to admit that she had a point, and being that much closer to Anna was a happy bonus. An extremely happy bonus.

So now after his long days he slept in a real room, in a real bed, all by himself. Meals were no longer hard to come by, and Sven had taken up residence in a stable below the apartment, and was quite comfortable as far as Kristoff could tell. He was glad for Sven, but it was a little lonely in his room. Kristoff was used to the warmth of Sven's massive body and the sound of his steady breathing. But a bed was no place for a reindeer, it was a place for a person. Maybe two people? Kristoff felt a little flutter in his stomach when he thought about the only person he'd ever wanted to share a bed with. He's been feeling that flutter often these days, whenever he and Anna picnicked together, when they took a ride in his fancy new sleigh or enjoyed a stroll around the palace grounds, whenever she would take his hand in her own tiny one, and their lips would meet in a sweet, delicious kiss. When he was with her, it was quite easy to be fully satisfied with their chaste touches, just the way she looked at him made his heart swell and beat faster, and he was constantly in shock that such an amazing woman would want him, and often surprised that he finally wanted a woman in return. She had opened up a whole new side of life to him, and he couldn't remember ever being happier.

But here, alone on top of his big bed, his thoughts of Anna would take a slightly different edge. Despite his best intentions his mind would drift to her pretty face, the soft curves of her small body so different from his own, the way she felt when she hugged him close. He thought of those rutting animals, of girl parts and boy parts and how they fit together somehow… how he and Anna might fit together. It made his face burn hot to think about how it might feel to have her in his bed, naked and pressed fully against him. Maybe laying on top of him, or maybe beneath him, her slim legs spread to allow him to thrust into whatever that thatch of hair was hiding.

Kristoff bit back a moan, still not completely used to the fact that there was no one, man nor beast, around to hear him. Thinking about her that way made him hard with alarming speed, and ignoring it didn't really work like it used to. He had learned that if he wanted any rest at all, he would need to take care of it. His pants felt way too tight and he relented, bringing his hand down to rub himself rhythmically through his pajama pants, sighing in relief at the delicious pressure. It wasn't enough for long, though, and he was soon unfastening the buttons and pulling his stiff length free of the confining fabric, visions of Anna swimming behind his closed eyes.

He stroked slowly himself from base to tip, swiping his calloused thumb over the head, trying to draw out the pleasure. Now that he had her to fantasize about he wasn't in such a rush to get it over with, but it still didn't take him long to finish when he imagined her writhing in pleasure beneath him, moaning his name as he moved inside of her like every instinct in his body was screaming at him to do. He licked his palm and increased the speed of his stroking, squeezing tighter and flexing his hips up to thrust his swollen cock harder into his own fist, trying to imagine what her breasts would look like released from the confines of the tightly-laced bodices she wore. He was sure they would be small and soft and perfect like the rest of her, and he wondered if she had any freckles there… or anywhere else. He knew she had freckles on her shoulders, and he imagined turning her around so he could see if those freckles went down her back. Kristoff began pumping himself in earnest when he pictured bending her over so he could take her ass in both of his hands, caressing and squeezing and pressing her soft flesh against him before pushing himself inside of her hot, tight body and taking her hard and fast the way the animals fucked one another. He felt his balls tightening and his strokes got faster and sloppier as he pictured himself looming over her on their hands and knees, her petite body completely engulfed by his as she pushed back against him to meet his firm thrusts, gasping his name in ecstasy and desire for him and he would give her everything that he had, would lean down to whisper into her ear how beautiful she was, how sexy, how good she felt, how much he loved her…..

"Anna…" he whispered out loud and reached quickly for a handkerchief on the beside table as he felt his orgasm begin to wash over him. He released a long, guttural groan as the world stood still and he spent himself frantically into the soft fabric, his all of his muscles flexing and jerking until he was utterly drained.

Kristoff lay panting for a few moments, handkerchief clamped tightly around his softening penis to prevent making a mess. When the endorphins began to wear off, he cleaned himself up as much as possible before tucking himself back into and refastening his pants and dropping the folded up handkerchief carefully onto the floor to deal with in the morning. He sighed heavily and rolled over, feeling sleepy and physically sated, but wishing desperately that Anna was here with him for this part, too, wrapped up in his arms and dozing against his chest, so that he could nuzzle his nose into her sweet-smelling hair like he loved to do, feel the comforting warmth of her body, the steady rhythm of her breath. "Someday," he thought. Someday, maybe soon, the theory of sex would be put into practice, and the mystery of those 'girl parts' and how they fit together with his 'boy parts' would be solved.


End file.
